Never Stop Using Me

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In the stillness of the night I search for Your voice. So lost were my days before I found You. How thirsty I am for Your touch. I don’t know what my life would have been without You. Can’t imagine where I would’ve been, what mess I would be in. Yet You found me…in the depths of my despair Your love conquered my biggest fears. Seconds have passed, minutes wasted away, hours of pain, days lived in fear until You saved me. Somewhere stuck between who I was and who I could be, You gave me the push I needed to dream. The strength I needed to move forward.

My life is nothing without You. Living from day to day, I sought You and found me. I found the person I never thought I could be. I had given myself away to anything that intrigued me, I lost myself time after time. Hurt myself over and over again and then there was You. So powerful, so faithful…in spite of all the things I had done to lose Your trust, You saw fit to be faithful to me. I’m thankful not just because of what You did, I am in awe of who You are. May my lips never cease to give gratitude to Him who has shown me mercy when I have done nothing to deserve it.

I long for a touch from You, anxious for the next opportunity that You will pour into me, revealing Your majesty. From the stars in the midnight sky to the dew on the grass, I see You in everything. I look over my life and realize, in spite of my worst mistakes, You were with me all along. Certainly You know my story from beginning to end but I realize I did not always live in Your perfect will. There have been moments, days, even years that I made mess after mess yet, You came behind them all and made me whole. How can I live in a state of unforgiveness for people when in my heart I know I have required more forgiveness than I have ever given?

Your love has seeped into the darkest corners of my life and given me hope. Each day I look into the eyes of my children and for a moment I have a glimpse of the love You have for me. My heart aches for the inevitable variables of life they will face. God I’m sorry for breaking Your heart, for being selfish, taking Your love for granted.

As I face the storms of life and complain about the unyielding pain remind me of the pain Christ endured so that I could live. The blood shed on Calvary so that I would have a chance to find myself, even if that meant straying from You. Your grace is the sweetest song I have ever heard. Your grace has sung me through the calamities of life. An ocean breeze in the Sahara, it makes no sense how Your grace found me. Broken, unworthy, ungrateful, stubborn, and tired Your grace still found me.

Some called me wretched, others said I would never amount to anything; still You never lost Your confidence in me. Your mercy is the most beautiful poetry ever heard, it has no rhyme or reason, yet it reaches the heart of my soul. When I couldn’t forgive myself, Your mercy saw me through. When I thought I’d never recover, Your mercy nursed me back to where I belonged. When I gave up on myself, Your mercy pushed me along. I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for Your mercy.

I know that we haven’t always been the best model of Your love. We fight with one another over the smallest things but I know that because of who You are, You see the heart of all men. You know that many of us are showing love the best we know how. God, help heal the hearts of men so that You can be seen clearly. Help us to never lose focus of Your love yet to live in fear of Your wrath because at the end of the day we should never feel we’re bigger than the God we serve.

Help me Lord to not just be a recipient of Your love but a gateway to Your heart. May the words that come from my mouth be pleasing to Your ears. May they be a lullaby to the fearful, a testament to those seeking something greater, and a reminder to myself that I’d rather be in awe of You, than awful without You. I have used my mouth as a weapon, leaving wounds that no doctor can cure. Help me to understand that the gift You have given me can be used to build or destroy. Lord, let my mouth be my most powerful tool, building up precious people, changing lives, invoking change, and inspiring dreams.

God touch my eyes, clear my vision, so that I can see beyond the way You see me, I want to see people the way You see them. Help me to lose the judgment and fear I posses from past experiences. I have been judged too many times to pass out judgment. Allow me understanding, so that I can see that everyone is not like me, they do not live the way I live, or dream the way I dream. If You wanted us all to be alike You would not have taken the time to give such intricacy to our DNA, such detailed lines in on our fingertips, each lined kissed by your marvelousness and whispering to us what we must never forget: YOU CARE ABOUT US.

Words will never fully express the magnitude of admiration, the immensity of my praise, or the enormity of my worship. All I can say is thank You, I love You… Please God, never stop using me.

Jody K Young

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