Today I would like to talk about and share something with you guys that have hunted and had me shackled since childhood. Through extensive therapy and counseling sessions over the last few years I can now finally confront the demons that have plagued me. I was molested as a child. I was molested by a woman and a man both who are relatives of mine.
This is such a huge step for me in healing and freeing myself from the unnecessary baggage that I have carried and need to release in order to continue my growth. I’m not quite sure at what age I was but I have very vivid memories of being forced and coerced into completing sexual acts for years. Looking back on it at the time being such an innocent child and not really knowing I thought it was completely normal. It was not until I grew older and I was able to literally take control and say no I don’t want to do that, that then I felt shame and guilt about it.
Although the sexual abuse stopped the effects of those acts would have lasting effects on me well into adulthood. The shame and guilt drew me to be a very introverted person. I became very much of a loner, often times secluding myself away from everyone. This abuse also caused me to once want to take my life. I never forget it. I had left to move with my dad in Hawaii. With memories of being molested as a child I locked myself in the bathroom while my dad was at work and went into the medicine cabinet. His girlfriend assumed something was wrong and banged on the door pleading and asking me to please open the door and not do it. I was just ready to end of the mental torture I was feeling at the time.
Even after leaving there and moving back with my mom and step dad I was still being haunted by what happened to me as a child. Never once sharing with anyone but instead I started to act out by running away and using the excuse of I am doing it because I am gay and my mom does not understand me. I now realize that me running away a total of 7 times only was an outward cry for help because I really did not know how to tell someone I had been molested continuously as a child.
Fast forward to my adulthood I have become a very productive and successful individual. But it has not been easy. Ironically I felt most comfortable with sharing this type of information with a total stranger. In 2007 I begin counseling. I have often times stated to people I was in counseling but would always lie and say it is for my relationship or me and my husband at the time was going to work on some things. I know that this article my shock and upset some who just simply refuse to believe but that is the same type of response and attitude in which creates the environment for many kids as me to not want to share with those that are the closest. You fear that it will be brushed under the rug or the abuser will harm you.
I am now speaking out because as I said through extensive counseling and therapy I am shedding some things. As I am being transparent I can only hope and pray that this will give others the strength to talk about their own situation and release the demons that have haunted and affected their lives. I promise you that if you do that your relationship with others will be so much better.
Lastly you must know that I have no animosity towards my abusers who will be forever unnamed or identified. But I have forgiven and acknowledged that they had a problem and it had nothing to do with me. I just happen to be the vulnerable easy prey at that time. I have had to learn how to trust again (which I am not all the way their), I am learning how to socialize with people and better communicate what it is I am feeling.
I am not a parent but would like to give a bit of advice to anyone who may have kids. I beg you to be vigilant at all times and create an environment and connection with your kids that the subject of molestation or sexual abuse isn’t something that should not be brought to the light. Keep your kids safe and always listen to what it is they are saying or how they are acting. I’m sure we all know someone who has been sexually abused as a child and if we don’t we may be the abused.
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, approximately 906,000 children were victims of child abuse or neglect in 2003. The rate of victimization for 2003 was 12.4 victims per 1,000 children – a rate that has remained fairly steady for the last few years but that represents a significant decrease from 1993, when the rate of abused and neglected children peaked at 15.3 per 1,000 children.
For more information on Child Molestation Facts & Information please visit http://www.fstc.net/facts_info_childmolestation.htm
Jody K Young